![]() ![]() ![]() Let’s also face the elephant in the room and pull its pants down. “…Sklarr… has beamed down to Earth to hunt Sheera.” The film, written by Mittleman and Carlos Perez, may be the longest 76 minutes you ever have to limp through. Other than that, we are left with jokes that are not funny with characters we couldn’t care less about, leading to absolutely nothing. There are also these out of nowhere pieces of dated computer animation that seem to be there to fill in potholes. There are weird snippets of internet podcasts involving aliens that appear and disappear throughout Escape from Area 51 that do little to alleviate the pain. It all takes place in the woods, which is usually the hallmark of an impoverished sci-fi picture. Meanwhile, Sklarr (Chris Browning), the evil Baron Von Baddie Bad of the picture, has beamed down to Earth to hunt Sheera. Sheera (Donna D’Errico) is an alien who escapes Area 51 thanks to meddling kids but can’t leave Earth until she rescues her fellow alien warrior Kyra (Anouk Samuel). The plot is so simple it would have been rejected for an Atari game back in 1980. Instead, it is broken down, thirsty-a*s crawling wreckage that wasn’t meant to be built. It achieves none of the benchmarks of utter sleaze nor attains the ripeness of cheese to be “so bad it’s good.” The film wishes it was trash, but that doesn’t come true. Director Eric Mittleman’s Escape from Area 51 has no standards, no goals, and is completely inedible. ![]() Trash cinema, disreputable and marginalized as it is, has standards and goals that are met to satisfy the sickening appetites of the creatures who devour such films. ![]()
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